How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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