You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
