Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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