My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
