Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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