I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
