I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
