Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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