We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I deserve this hangover.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
