So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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