I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're too hungover to prance.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
