Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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