She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
