I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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