you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
