I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
