Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
