i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
