There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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