WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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