a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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