I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
