I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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