I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
