Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
