Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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