Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
