My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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