I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
