i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
