are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
