I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
