I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize