it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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