We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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