I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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