You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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