Nicole vs. Life
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just cut my nipple shaving
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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