So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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