You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
