miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
