cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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