The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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