I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
