You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
