apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
