FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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