I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
