her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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