LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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