I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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