No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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