I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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