I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
