I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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