Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
