margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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