we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
