Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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