A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
